I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
