Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
