it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
