Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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