in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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