I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
