HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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