were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
