I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
