you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
