Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
