Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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