you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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