I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
