I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
