How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
