i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
