Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
