Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and she was petting her beer can
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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