Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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