I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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