Pappa wants mamma naked
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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