I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
