Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
