How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Terrible idea I love it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
