WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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