And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
