last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Randomize
