Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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