this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
