If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Holy shit dude........stairs
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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