You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
