Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
