if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
