Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
