He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
