I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
