You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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