So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
