apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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