just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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