I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
