I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
