i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
