see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
