I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize