This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
