the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
two words: eviction party
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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