He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
