THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
