alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
