No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So apparently I’m into choking now
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