I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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