I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
