my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
