1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
