$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
