it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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