he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
