Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
