Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
