just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
