so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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