do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
