And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
