By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
