that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
